Before i met you i didnt know what it was to love. I had never felt insane. I had nothing to covet. I never stood outside a window in the rain. After i left you I've been living like a sailor. Isolated for months, my love left behind on the coast. Now my hearts buried in the ocean and my home is non existent.

I say yo more than hey or hi. I use peace more than goodbye. I describe affection with love rather than like. Id take a bus above taking out my bike. I text instead of call. I wear a large not a small. I prefer to listen to full albums over single songs. I am more often right than i am wrong. I do not play many video games alone. I spend most of my time at home. I don't read much but if i do its non fiction. Friends and family would say i care for diction. I am often in good health. It is uncomfortable to talk about myself.

Our time together was nothing more than tiny dots on an endless timeline. There is a fine line of difference between the time we were together and when we were just in close proximity. You know while i was out there i always put myself out there on that line for you. I made as many dots as i could on either side. Positive or negative my will was actively assure in defining my time out there with those moments of being with you or living without.

I'm trying to fill these pages as fast as i can so i can send this to you as soon as i can. But i can no longer fill the pages with any original idea so long after what has happened between us. There is nothing in my future but these sutures holding my broken heart together falling apart. I'm writing "i can" as much as i can to stay as positive as i can be. I can not tell if its working.

I fantasize that
You secretly had my child
And didnt tell me

All i can see is a tiny profile picture in my sent messages. Otherwise empty, that fixture is an ever changing portrait of what I'm missing in my life. Why can i see the sunspots in your eyes when you're inside? How am i still that something you put aside and forgot about. Die inside when i see the haircuts that you tried.

I have no inspiration, nor stimulation so i only write what i know too well. About my new life, theres nothing to tell. I still think about your little sisters calling you Elle. And how you were Gabby to all of our friends. Maybe if i followed their trends we could make amends. But to me you will always be Gabrielle until every ends.