I think about
If i had killed myself
When you told me to
Would it have bothered you
Or did it hurt you that i didnt
Didnt love you enough to listen
Or that i loved you too much
To burden you with
The bullet that struck my brain
Did you know i tried and failed
That the knife couldn't find my veins
And that i walked past our place
In the rain
On the way home and you were
outside on the porch smoking cigarettes
Cold and carefree
In a cold and calmed
and callous and calculated way

Or maybe just carelessly