You took my friends with you
And i couldn't survive another day in Halifax
Now theres a hole in the map and a
hundred missing persons on my friends list
I had to delete to stay sane
I had to tear that hole in my brain
To stay sane i burnt every bridge
From moncton to nova scotia
To toronto and barrie and back
Who were those people i left on the other side
Nothing more than
Friends of friends i suppose

I fear
My vow
Solo love

For one
May or
May not
Live again

We take
Bitter medicine
So we heal
Bitter words

Always lie alone
So I
Almost die at home

Listen
Forever

To silence

This isnt about you
But i just can't get out of my head
How you used to call me a bull shitter
And a hipster
I argued that i was neither and i took slight offence
I used to get my back up
but the truth about it is
I wasnt being ironic
I was being pathetic

Lacing the pages of library books with medicine. Passing children on the street with cigarettes. Fighting with family members. Injecting with my loved ones in the next room. What else makes me want to kill myself. Looking at myself in the mirror. Showering twice a week. Hearing from you once a year. Flooding facebook with cries for help. So called friends stab me in the back. All i do is nothing, all day, every day. Eating other people's food. Really can't fall asleep because I'm remembering painful memories. Writing self pitying poetry. Masterbaiting to memory.

If you're reading this. Call me. Tell me what you think. 1-705-220-1481

In the future we will all speak at the same time when conversing about just about everything. You can tell me how vile i am while i sing your praises and we'll have better ways of comprehending every phrase so I'll understand what it is you're actually trying to express. And when we say "i love you" at the same time something will happen inside, like a chemical will be released-if we truly mean it. Sometimes i think of when we were together, like maybe something was missing that hasnt been invented yet. Something to stop me from acting with jealousy; Something to stop you from lying to me. Sometimes i look back at all the signs that you were going to leave me just to see if i die inside, again.

I have no other memories from that first year that don't involve or include you. I need to let you let me let go. I know you'll call me when you get sad and lonely. You only do because you know I'm always sad and lonely. Sad and lonely. If i wasnt so sad and lonely maybe you wouldn't call or think of me when you get sad and lonely at all. Then i wouldn't hear from you and get my hopes up. I could move on. Then maybe about other things in my life i could feel confident again. I could get my hope up and my chin up instead of getting doped up to forget it in my parents basement with a rope up around the lights.