I only realized recently
That i hurt you
Well before you hurt me
I broke faith
And you couldn’t trust me
The first night on my birthday no less
There must have been an angel nearby
The music lit the room, then your dress
Green hat and black leggings to match,
but it was your eyes
I ditched you that night and sat in my room
You told me you fell asleep in a bush
I loved you already but it was too much
I went to sleep whispering id find you tomorrow. And what did ya know?
I saw you reading under a tree.
My heart skipped half a dozen beats
I tried to play it cool. I wanted to weep
Should have asked if you wanted to eat, out
Instead of leaving you to go to the caf.
Why in the fuck did i keep leaving you
I think i thought i didnt want to seem desperate
How fucking ironic that is
Playing it cool when i clearly knew
You were the only love id ever know
I felt it right away you know i never felt this before
I had lots of girls chasing me previously
However i never felt the same way
Until i met you that is to say
You’re the only person to ever hook me forevermore
Every chance you gave me i blew
Called my shit and said i was full of it
Went back home and told me to be alone
I said i helped them pick up but nothing else nothing happened and that was true.
I didnt see at the time it was still breaking trust
I wanted to prove you wrong but instead
I proved i wasnt fit to be someone to whom
You could commit to so you said no just let it go
You wondered why we hadnt had sex
I was a virgin you see
I was scared what you’d think of me
I made up a fake fucking girlfriend back home
I said that was why we werent smashing
I couldn’t have said anything more stupid
Evidently i fucked up. I can’t remember the rest of the bullshit i did until i locked you out of my room
Fuck that dude that ever did that to you
You said don’t do that to me
And something clicked that told me thats how boyfriends would act
I know that hurt you and we fought more after that
I pressured you into dating me officially
We should have just stopped hooking up
Instead of being a pussy and let you come back to me
But i visited you at christmas
I flew back to halifax for new years at your house
I was so eager i didnt listen to you
Blew all my money accidentally on a tattoo
You picked me up and we kissed in your moms car
Everything was great until kyle called
You took it in the other room and your mom said i was so patient
I just nodded but again something clicked
“Maybe i shouldnt be” besides that really hurt me
Since you left a note before i went back home
I still have that note. You say your my girl i cried
But i cried outside your house. I yelled at you in your room until 3am
You asked me if i was leaving and again something clicked “she wants me gone”
So i said yeah and packed my bags.
I left not once but twice. You followed me crying once crying. The second time your mom drove you looking for me.
I felt like such a fucking asshole i ran to find your car and played mad. But really i was so happy to see you safe.
You took me home and i was to sleep on the couch
I snuck upstairs into your room. We made love and i loved you so much in that moment
In the morning i was too embarrassed to stay
I felt like a worthless piece of shit
I caught a bus back to halifax. I’ve never hated myself more
Except thats not true. I hate myself every single day for everything i put you through
And thinking if somehow you’re still suffering, theres nothing i can do. I’m just so weak and useless since losing you.
