Lacing the pages of library books with medicine. Passing children on the street with cigarettes. Fighting with family members. Injecting with my loved ones in the next room. What else makes me want to kill myself. Looking at myself in the mirror. Showering twice a week. Hearing from you once a year. Flooding facebook with cries for help. So called friends stab me in the back. All i do is nothing, all day, every day. Eating other people's food. Really can't fall asleep because I'm remembering painful memories. Writing self pitying poetry. Masterbaiting to memory.

If you're reading this. Call me. Tell me what you think. 1-705-220-1481

In the future we will all speak at the same time when conversing about just about everything. You can tell me how vile i am while i sing your praises and we'll have better ways of comprehending every phrase so I'll understand what it is you're actually trying to express. And when we say "i love you" at the same time something will happen inside, like a chemical will be released-if we truly mean it. Sometimes i think of when we were together, like maybe something was missing that hasnt been invented yet. Something to stop me from acting with jealousy; Something to stop you from lying to me. Sometimes i look back at all the signs that you were going to leave me just to see if i die inside, again.

I have no other memories from that first year that don't involve or include you. I need to let you let me let go. I know you'll call me when you get sad and lonely. You only do because you know I'm always sad and lonely. Sad and lonely. If i wasnt so sad and lonely maybe you wouldn't call or think of me when you get sad and lonely at all. Then i wouldn't hear from you and get my hopes up. I could move on. Then maybe about other things in my life i could feel confident again. I could get my hope up and my chin up instead of getting doped up to forget it in my parents basement with a rope up around the lights. 

Crossing the street without looking

Leaning precariously over the railing smoking for the sake of smoking

These are some things that i do hoping that I'll die soon to get away from thinking about you

How could you haunt me with one word? And your body language. Its absurd to me that your facial expression could leave such an impression so long after. And your laughter it siezes me like it did then when the eve's breeze bent around your knees. And played with your skirt in the moonlight. You were a flirt, big surprise, but you knew when the time was right and you always smiled with your eyes.

We met
On my
Birthday
My greatest present
Was your presence
Hat to skirt
That
Black and white
Stripped shirt
That slight
Overbite
Slightly tilting
Beer bottle
Individual
Alone
But with
Someone you
Barely knew
We talked
Ethnicity
Names
Drink
Smoke weed
Sat on beds
Chairs
Your friend
Still there
Partied
As if
Thats a verb
Stood in circle
Smoke more herb
Passed out
Seperately
In beds
And bushes